All That Glitters is Not Gold
In her work “Down Girl,” Kate Manne does an incredible job of outlining the characteristics of modern day misogyny. Within her book, she coins the term “Himpathy”. This word refers to the undue sympathy that a white, male perpetrators tend to receive from society as a whole — oftentimes even from the victim themselves (Manne, 197). Manne asserts that a key component to Himpathy is the idea of a “golden boy” (Manne, 198). She uses this term to refer to infamous rapist Brock Turner and convicted murderer Adnan Syed. While the idea seems central to theory of Himpathy, Manne does not take much — if any — time to define or explore it. It seems that in many cases of sexual assault, the perpetrator receives himpathy regardless of their adherence to the tradtional role of “golden boy”. This begs the question: Are there several different types of golden boys?
The term Golden Boy is thought to be used to describe those who are admired by a certain group or society at large. Traditionally a golden boy is someone who is seen as being successful in some way or another. However, it is my belief that the defining factor or a golden boy is simply that they mean something to us. They are able to offer something to our lives which we view as having some sort of intrinsic goodness or positive value. Whether it be a national championship, classroom laughter, a good time, or an entertaining movie — all of these golden boys bring something to the table which we fear losing (whether it be consciously or unconsciously). While I do believe that golden boy is a useful term, I also believe that it is too simplistic. It seems clear to me that it serves better as a category title rather than a specific character type. I say this because it seems that the character types of golden boys who are the recipients of Himpathy do not seem to have a high degree of consistency. The version of the golden boy character type that I am seeking to offer through this brief essay is an improvement on Manne’s basic definition in that it allows the term to extend across a wider variety of perpetrators and circumstances.The character types that I will be focusing on are The Homecoming King, The Star Athlete, The Life of the Party, and The Boy Next Door. In each of these cases, I will present at least one real world example of one of these character types, each from criminal cases (some high profile, some run of the mill) for assault against women.
The first character type that can be placed under the category of “golden boy” that I will be discussing is that of The Homecoming King. After much reading and research, as well as my own personal experiences, it appears to me that this character type has some very consistent features. The Homecoming King will be popular. Throughout his years in grade school or in college he will have amassed many friends due to his charismatic nature. Not only has The Homecoming King managed to earn the friendship of his peers, but he has also managed to earn the admiration and respect of those who know him only tangentially. This is likely through his involvement on athletic teams or in organizations that are either within the school itself or within the community at large. He has a good reputation, and he is the kind of guy you would want to be friends with — by virtue of his ‘coolness’. Of all the examples I will be working with throughout this paper, The Homecoming King arguably has the most direct correlation with the traditional concept of the Golden Boy in that he will be popular, athletic, and involved. A real-world example of this character type is Adnan Syed “who was convicted of the murder of his ex-girlfriend Hae Min Lee” back in 2000 (Manne, 179). Syed rose to international fame (or infamy), when he was the subject of the true-crime podcast Serial. Following this starring role, Syed’s case gained even more recognition when it was the subject of the HBO documentary The Case Against Adnan Syed. These programs cast a lot of doubt on what had at one point appeared to be a cut and dry case. But how did it do this?
Well, basically these programs showed Syed as who he was thought to be before he was branded as a convicted murderer. He embodied all of the characteristics of The Homecoming King. On the previously mentioned podcast Serial, Rabia Chaudry (lawyer and older sister of Syed’s best friend) and podcast host Sarah Koenig have the following exchange:
He was like the community’s golden child.
Oh, really? Talk more about that.
He was an honor roll student, volunteer EMT. He was on the football team. He was a star runner on the track team. He was the homecoming king. He led prayers at the mosque. Everybody knew Adnan to be somebody who was going to do something really big.
(Koenig, Chaudry, Episode 1: The Alibi)
There you have it — all of the defining features of The Homecoming King character type. As stated by Chaudry, Syed was even literally crowned homecoming king of his highschool. Over a decade after his conviction, Syed was able to garner considerable Himpathy through the positive representation of himself as The Homecoming King type that was circulated via the immensely popular podcast. The problem “is plausibly illustrated by the podcast: exonerating and excusing “golden boys” and “good guys.” Both labels were applied to Adnan during Serial by people who knew him at the time of the murder” (Manne, 180).
Within almost all developed societies, athletes who are at the top of their game enjoy the celebrity, respect, and adoration that comes with being a winner. Because of this, it naturally follows that The Star Athlete could be considered to be a branch of the term golden boy. Not only do athletes benefit from many of the usual perks that are related to stardom, but they also tend to be cared for in a different way than singers or actors. After all, this person is on your team. What I mean is that fans are quick to protect the person that could be the key to fulfilling their wildest dreams — like their football team making it to the Super Bowl or their soccer team winning the Champions League. Additionally, members of society tend to value the Star Athlete’s well-being and future much more than that of an average person. An extremely prominent example of someone who perfectly embodies The Star Athlete character type is rapist Brock Turner. In a very high profile case from back in 2015, Turner “age twenty, was tried for treating a young woman [now known as Chanel Miller], age twenty-two, like a proverbial piece of meat—sexually assaulting her behind a dumpster, after a party” on the campus of the prestigious Stanford University (Manne, 196). Despite his heinous acts, which were witnesses and stopped by two other Stanford students, Turner received what would prove to be an extremely lenient sentence. When all was said and done, Turner would serve only three months for the assault (Manne, 197). All of this begs the question: If the crime was so egregious, why was the sentencing so light?
Well, to answer this, one could point to Turner’s status as The Star Athlete. He enjoyed the benefits of Himpathy because he was “a star swimmer who could have made it to the Olympics” (Koren). During the sentencing hearing, Turner’s father and the judge himself often referenced the fact that a hefty prison sentence would have a “severe impact” on Turner’s bright and promising future (Manne, 197). Despite the prosecution’s claim that “the police concluded from photos and text messages found on Mr. Turner’s phone that he was ‘engaging in excessive drinking and using drugs’, including LSD, ecstasy and an extract of cannabis”, Turner’s legal team and character witnesses (which included both family friends and athletic coaches) doubled down on their beliefs that Turner was a good person (Fuller). It became impossible for these people to accept that The Star Athlete who they applauded and adored could be capable of such an act. Additionally, it is important to note that although the judge did acknowledge Tuner’s guilt, he felt that Turner’s athletic talents and potential future accolades excused him from receiving a just punishment.
The third character type I would like to discuss is that of The Life of the Party. We all know someone like this. This is the man who tends to overdrink at a house party or during a night out on the town. As annoying as his antics may sometimes be — they sure do make for great stories. The Life of the Party is the kind of person who pushes you out of your comfort zone, especially socially. When you go out with this person, you probably garner a lot of attention (whether is be positive or negative), and it likely makes you feel at least a bit important to have all eyes on you. The Life of the Party is the kind of person who is able to make everyone laugh, and allows the people around him to feel comfortable about letting loose, about throwing their inhibitions to the side. This person is — for lack of a better word — fun.
An example of someone who could be typed as The Life of the Party is Matthew from the podcast “Himpathy” by Scene on Radio. This story begins with a girl named Janey. She and Matthew were apart of the same friend group and following much pressure by Matthew, the two began dating. However, Janey eventually broke off the relationship. Some months later, Matthew and Janey were out at a bar with their friends. Janey ordered a drink, but soon began feeling extremely sick. To make a long story short, Matthew quickly volunteered to help Janey and ended up taking her home where he would sexually assault her. In the podcast, it becomes clear that Janey “felt an impulse to protect him”, and that she “didn’t want him to lose friends” (Himpathy, Scene on Radio). In other words, Janey was experiencing the effects of Himpathy. When she did finally work up the courage to tell her friends, they seemed to side with Matthew. Although they didn’t downright accusing Janey of lying, they also did not seem to believe her. Considering that these same friends described Matthew as “drunk”, “out of control”, “a little sleazy”, “creepy”, and as having “no boundaries” and “sexually harassing all employees”, it seems counterintuitive that they would not take Janey at her word (Himpathy, Scene on Radio). However, as the podcast delves deeper into the case, Janey reports that “a lot of what the interviewees said, [her] friends, said that he kind of made them go out and experience the world in a different way, to really be at the center of things, be the life of the party. He was also really, really funny and knew all the cool things to do in town, and would make sure everybody was getting on board to go and do those things” (Himpathy, Scene on Radio). Additionally, one of her friends also take steps to defend the friend group’s behavior by saying “nobody was taking sides”, but that it just happened to be Matthew who — in the true spirit of The Life of the Party — organized all of the group’s social outings (Himpathy, Scene on Radio).
The final character type that I will be discussing in this paper is The Boy Next Door. This character type could just as easily be described as ‘the one you’d take home to mom and dad’. He is trustworthy and responsible. You would be certain of his ability to do things like babysit or water your plants while your family is on vacation. Additionally, this type of man would be friendly and well-liked within the community. In a way, he could be considered to be somewhat of a mild form of a moral exemplar. In other words, he is squeaky clean.
Interestingly enough, “squeaky clean” is exactly how Variety chose to describe Matt Lauer as the publication outed him as a sexual predator in their explosive article from 2017 (Setoodeh and Wagmeister). According to the publication, “he was known for making lewd comments verbally or over text messages”, and “once made a suggestive reference to a colleague’s performance in bed and compared it to how she was able to complete her job” (Setoodeh and Wagmeister). However, NBC employees claimed that their complaints often fell of deaf ears for years (Setoodeh and Wagmeister). Even after Lauer was fired, there was immense backlash from the public as many people instantaneously sided with Lauer. Afterall, he was the epitome of The Boy Next Door. He was taken by the public to be both trustworthy and friendly. In fact, millions of viewers welcomed Lauer into their homes each and every morning. He was a familiar and comforting presence that families could rely on.
Now that I have discussed and given examples of each of these character types, I will now delve into why it matters within the entire scope of Himpathy and Manne’s work in general. In her book, Manne asks the question: “What if she is right?” (185). In a broader sense, Manne is asking what the implications are for society at large when one of their golden boys is accused — of convicted — of a heinous act. What do people lose when they are forced to accept that someone in their life is a rapist or murderer? I want to answer that question. I think it is the magnitude and type of loss that determines who does and who does not fall under the category of “golden boy”. It is my belief that all of these golden boys bring a different kind of ‘gold’ to the table.
We will begin by looking back to The Homecoming King. When a person who falls under the character type of The Homecoming King is accused of a horrible crime, people stand to lose someone who has been an active and contributing member of their school or larger community. When looking at the implications for accepting the wrongdoings of The Star Athlete, people stand to lose (literally) a game or a National Championship. The teams which support these Star Athletes stand to lose money off of tickets, jersey sales, etc. There is another layer of loss for colleges who rely on athletic programs to drive high application numbers, and admitting that a sexual assault or other crime has been committed by The Star Athlete would be a public relations nightmare for — we’re looking at you, Stanford University. The implications for accepting that The Life of the Party is a predator are especially superficial. The people who are friends with this person stand to lose a good time and a few laughs. The implications for accepting the deviance of The Boy Next Door are similar to that of The Homecoming King. The community is losing someone who is reliable, trustworthy, and well-liked. Additionally, they are faced with admitting that the person that they looked to as a kind of moral exemplar was a total fraud.
All of this being said, I think that the largest implication behind accepting these Golden Boy types is that, accepting this would also mean accepting that we may never be able to truly know the people who we are close to, or the people that we trust and respect. People are forced to admit that they have been fundamentally wrong in their perception of a person, so they risk losing trust in themselves.
Works Cited
Fuller, Thomas. “Court Papers Give Insight Into Stanford Sex Assault.” The New York Times,
12 June 2016, www.nytimes.com/2016/06/13/us/brock-turner-stanford-rape.html.
Koren, Marina. “Telling the Story of the Stanford Rape Case.” The Atlantic, 6 June 2016,
https://www.theatlantic.com/news/archive/2016/06/stanford-sexual-assault-letters/485837/
Manne, Kate. Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny. Oxford University Press, 2019.
Scene on Radio. “Himpathy (MEN, part 7).” Scene on Radio, 3 October 2018,
http://www.sceneonradio.org/episode-53-himpathy-men-part-7/.
Setoodeh, Ramin, and Elizabeth Wagmeister. “Matt Lauer Accused of Sexual Harassment by
Multiple Women.” Variety , 29 Nov. 2017.
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