We often say everyone is unique. I hadn’t profoundly understood this concept when I was young. I used to believe that people differed in their preferences but not their values. In college, I get the chance to make friends with totally different backgrounds from all over the world. I start to realize that everyone thinks differently and believes in different values. Two people may generate opposite feelings and have different thoughts in one instance. People also set boundaries that others may not touch or inquire about.
It is hard for me to know the exact boundaries of my friends or not try to discuss it, however. I often argue with my friends this semester about public and personal issues. Sometimes, I am too enthusiastic about participating in discussions that may lead to crossing boundaries or appearing to force others to agree with my point of view. After several quarrels, I figure out that there are many ways to find edges and communicate politely and peacefully. The key to that is our emotions, and I want to discuss this problem by combining what we learned in class.
The text I am inspired by was Sarah Jaquette Ray’s A Field Guide to Climate Anxiety. In the chapter “Be Less Right and More in Relation,” Jaquette Ray shared her thoughts about facing people with different opinions or ideas. Even though her strategy and studies mainly focused on environmental and climate issues, we can find some standard solutions to deal with boundaries between people.
According to Jaquette Ray, climate change is not a movement belonging to any group or people in which class. Similarly, compared to what is right, hearing what others say is more important when talking about the climate movement. In the book, Jaquette Ray shared an experience about her students being alienated from their family numbers because they hold different ideas. Jaquette Ray set an assignment to let her students have non-violent communication with people on the problem that has no agreement. I strongly agree with this idea and believe this is the most critical point of getting along with people. I always argue with my friends because I think I am right and want my friends to listen and adopt my opinion. Even though most of the time, I was right, my decision could not help with my friends’ situation and could only lead to fights and arguments. I realized that even if my decision can lead to secular success, it may not be what my friends want, and sometimes there is no correct answer for making decisions. Instead of struggling with which decision is better, the wise method should be listening to others. Listening can help to know others’ opinions, which can solve disagreements most of the time. Despite those disagreements, we revise our persuasion to reach common ground.
The second point stated by Jaquette Ray is Meet people where they are. In the book, Jaqueete Ray claims this point in the climate change situation. Her statement is some conservatives care about the environment but hate government participation in the environment. This explains why some conservative defies the climate policy initiated by the government. Jaqueete Ray’s point from the example is before discussing or making any persuasion. Knowing the speaker’s background and how their background constructs their beliefs is crucial. And when making any decisions, all people should participate in the frame, adjust, and approach the agreements, but not make isolation and only let a small group of people make the decision. This strategy also helps in friend relationships. Before taking action or giving suggestions, we should know my friend’s backgrounds and personalities based on their past experiences. For example, some people may refuse guidance on their issues without permission. It does not mean the suggestion is not valuable, for they do not agree with these suggestions, but it may speak in an unfriendly or unacceptable way. To avoid crossing the line when giving advice or taking action, we should know how to express it acceptably, which may vary from person to person.
The following three points came from Jaquette Ray and can be viewed similarly. She believes when talking a question. It is essential to let the listener have empathy and feel like they have participated. During this process, the speaker should avoid polarization language and reframe the question that connects to nearby items, like hometown, friends, and children. Jaquette Ray states that we can construct the same problem using different words. For example, we can state how terrible a bad environment is but can also describe a joyful world if we participate in the climate movement. The language we use should, like all the listeners, believe they participate in the movement and make some changes. This method is also helpful when I am getting along with my friends. For example, when pointing out one’s shortcomings, instead of saying you need to make improvements, I can tell you can do better if you can do this. When making any advice, avoid extreme words and state this suggestion is not forcing you to do anything.
The last point Jaquette Ray mentions is compassion. According to Jaquette Ray, compassion corresponds to the area in the brain that function love and shows compassion to eliminate boundaries between people. She gave many examples of climate situations of how showing compassion can help solve problems. While I believe compassion is important in negotiation, I disagree that compassion can eliminate boundaries. People’s borders are formed by their background and cognition and can not easily be changed by emotions. Therefore, using compassion to eliminate boundaries may not work because somebody may have parts that can not be shared or discussed. From my point of view, compassion is more like emotional support. I agree that showing compassion is showing love, but this should come with support for our friends and not a tool to make us close. I believe showing compassion when talking with friends is a way to let them feel I am standing with them can want to support them, but not the reason that I can ask anything.
Combining Jaquette Ray’s points, we can find most of them are helpful and can be used in our friend’s company. The key point I learned from Jaquette Ray is to listen more and speak carefully, be positive when stating any statement, and avoid offensive words while talking.
Shared by: Anonymous
Image Credit: https://www.sharp.com/health-news/6-tips-to-set-boundaries-with-difficult-people.cfm