“Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything.” – Lawrence Douglas Wilder
“Getting angry doesn’t solve anything.” – Grace Kelly
“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do any of these quotes sound familiar to you? Perhaps they sound like something you believe, have been taught, or have seen in movies or on the media. Anger is inevitable. I am speculating here, but I cannot fathom anyone who has not experienced anger. So, if we all experience anger, why is it always so criticized? Why are women who get angry written off as crazy? Why is it men who get angry written off as violent or irrational? We live in a society that does not allow people to express their anger. This begins right away in childhood. So many people are not taught how to be angry, or how to harness their anger for something greater. I, alongside Myisha Cherry, believe that anger has the power to be incredibly effective. Anger should not be minimalized, but instead should be promoted. This promotion must start at childhood, with parents allowing their children to be angry.
Now let me preface, there are truths to the three quotes listed above. I am not here to argue that people should express their anger through rageful actions that cause harm to others. The point here is not to encourage barbaric tendencies among humankind, but instead to have greater emotional intelligence. Myisha Cherry defines emotional intelligence as “the capacity to be aware of, express, and control our emotions. It is also the ability to effectively respond to others” (p. 30). Anger, as an emotion, falls into this category as well. We need to be aware of our anger and express it, in order to control it. The key to emotional intelligence is the second part of the definition; it allows us the ability to communicate effectively. When it comes to anger, we are often taught to try and mask our anger. To bury it deep within ourselves and never let it rise to the surface. We tend to do that because, as Cherry writes, “ unexpressed anger may help an angry person to protect themselves from retaliation, rejection… of powerful opponents” (p.149). As a child, these powerful opponents are our parents or our teachers. But what is the typical result of that? It often leads us to have our anger explode into a fit of violent rage, usually cutting others down verbally. “Violence is not what happens when you express anger but when you keep it in, causing it to reach a boil and then explode” (Cherry, p. 150). If being an emotionally intelligent individual means you can communicate your emotions effectively with others, then masking your anger proves no benefit. It is the exact opposite of being intelligent. Nobody wants to communicate with someone who is exploding with rage at them. So, how can we change this narrative? It must start with parents not trying to raise the “good” or “perfect” child. Anger, by itself, is not a bad emotion. It becomes bad when we do not know what to do with it.
Myisha Cherry describes a new way of expressing anger, through Lordean rage. At its core, Lordean rage is targeted at “racist actions, racist attitudes, and presumptions (of people) that arise out of those attitudes” (p. 23). There are severe inequities and racism that are deeply rooted in society. Cherry points Lordean rage toward changing this notion in the world. But, Lordean rage can also be applied to all aspects of life. Contrary to how many parents teach their children about rage, Lordean rage does not try to extinguish anger. Instead, it encourages one to let their anger out, to be in a community with others who can validate their emotions, to take action with their anger for a larger goal, and to be cautious of those who will try and resist their anger.
Imagine if a child is not immediately sent to their room to sit alone in utter silence for an hour after raising his voice to his parents, but instead is encouraged by his parents to further articulate why he feels the way he does and to work alongside him to find a solution to his anger. I would like to believe that child, the next time he gets angry will be encouraged to express how he feels. Instead of being sent to be alone, he is learning how to express his anger and put it towards effective change. We feel angry for a reason. It is not some arbitrary emotion that has no definition. So, we should not be shying away from teaching this to our youth. If we continue to ignore any anger and only respond to it with harsh criticism, then children will continue to grow up not knowing how to get angry. And, we know what the result of unexpressed anger can be.
Shared by: Anonymous
Image Credit: https://developingminds.net.au/blog/2019/11/18/mid-meltdown-management-what-to-do-when-children-are-very-angry-or-overwhelmed